Let's be random!

Obligatory comment about today's earthquake: HOLY CRAP! AN EARTHQUAKE!!

Chilean miners are rescued, but now some must deal with the fallout from having their wives and mistresses meet each other at Camp Esperanza.

One thing in school that actually prepared me for adult life is when the teacher would punish the entire class for something one or two people did. How like life! If you need an example, just think about airport security.

My brother and his wife broke down and decide to take one of my wayward kitties home with them. YAY!!

It is illegal to wear headphones while driving, but it is perfectly OK to blast your stereo, as long as you don't break the local noise ordinances.

We kill criminals to teach people that killing is wrong. Huh????

Hospital food has decidedly improved over the last twenty years, and some have even removed the evil lime-green jell-o from the menu. That is progress in health care!!

Trekkies or Trekkers? If you're in public dressed as a Klingon, and it's NOT Halloween, how important is semantics, really?

Speaking of Halloween, why can't grown-ups go trick-or-treating? I have more money and time to invest in better costumes now!

When my dog has to barf, why does he ALWAYS run from from the tiled areas of the house to the one place where there is carpet before he hurls???

I have really been craving mini-corndogs and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I can safely say I have NEVER craved tofu, broccoli, celery or fat-free anything!

Just a few little pieces of sunshine for anyone whose day has really sucked!! Special love to my friend, Dar. Crazyterp Loves You!!

The Extraordinary Gift of Kindness

Someone told me once that a remedy for depression is to step outside my own worries and help someone else with theirs. This weekend, I got to test that theory, and I would say it definitely has merit.

A friend recently came home from the hospital, but while she was in, she needed help getting her house cleaned and organized when she got home. Since she has been ill for almost a year, the job was a bit daunting. Still, we got it done. When I brought her home last night, she was overjoyed and overwhelmed to find her living space clean and everything set up so that she could access what she needed easily.

While she was overwhelmed that a few of her friends were willing to give up their weekends to help her, I was overwhelmed by a feeling of frustration because such an act is considered extraordinary in our society. Isn't helping a person in need, friend or not, a basic act of kindness that civilized society should consider the norm? And more personally, what if I were in a situation where I needed that kind of help...wait...I HAVE been in that position, and very recently!

This weekend I got a gift, too - I got to see God at work through the hearts and hands of a group of friends. A simple gift of kindness.


In loving memory of Muffin (1987 -2010)

AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!

Yeah, I haven't blogged in over a month. I suck. I'm sorry, at least to the half dozen of you who are bored enough to read my little ramblings.

Quick update...trying to move, still depressed and now I am facing a question I haven't considered in twenty years: What do I want to be when I grow up?

I have spent twenty years as a sign language interpeter. It's all I know how to do. My Visual Services counselor believes that I have some magical set of hidden "soft skills" that can be manipulated into a new reason for living. I wish she'd fill me in. However, since I don't have faith in myself, I hold on to her faith in me, and I dutifully bring her the necessary paperwork so she can open up a case for me. Then there will be aptitude and interest assessments, and if there's one thing I have always been good at, it's taking tests. Too bad there isn't a job just for people who can do that. Then a vocational plan, and if the planets align just right, I might be able to get a second career...doing I don't know what exactly.

But first, I should probably get off my butt and give her the paper work. The next right step.

DON'T DRINK SEA WATER...FISH F**K IN IT!

Yes, our yearly pilgrimage to Galvston is here again. A group of us grrls from church take over a beach house for a week and enjoy salt water, sand, shells, dead things and free ferry rides, along with whatever else catches our fancy. Truth be told, the real reason I pack up my stuff and leave my animal babies for a week to drive ten hours to South Texas is the company. They're a great bunch of gals, and in three summers I have been part of the Galveston group, I can honestly say I have never had a day that sucked.

Now if I could just get the salt water out of my ears...

'Tis a gift to be simple

I am taking a week off from interpreting to try my hand at something completely different: cooking for Peace Camp! Five days, five lunches, 25 people. I can do it, with the help of my 14 year-old sous chef! This is gonna be fun!

When I planned my menu, I had two things in mind: balance and simplicity. That means, no processed ingredients, and everything made from scratch (except for mayonnaise, the making of which requires patience, skill and a wicked stirring arm!) If these kids are like most Americans, a majority of their food is processed with sugar, fat and salt, and rarely eaten as a true family-style meal. So for my part of Peace Camp, I can provide them with good, home-cooked food while they learn about how to solve conflicts without violence and how to value themselves as the briliiant creations that they are!!!

I was so busy I forgot to blog!

Celebrating Gay Pride. Working. Watching stuff on Netflix. Singing. Making hats. Coffee with Betsy. Therapy. Thinking up meals for Peace Camp. Picking vegetables from the garden. Loving all the animals in the house. Dreaming of Galveston. Thinking of how to help a friend in need. Figuring out my car stereo. Going to church. Thinking of how to cut matted hair off a really old cat. Admiring my new wooden sea turtle that Kathy brought back from Padre Island. Cleaning my room. Wondering where I can cash in a bunch of change without paying a 10% surcharge. Laughing at how much fun it was for Betsy and I to buzz each other's heads. Watching Top Chef with Erin. Talking shop with Will. Looking for hummingbirds. Catching baby guineas. Taking out of town trips in my trusty car, Hank. Listening to the rain. Doing the next right thing.

Thanking the Creator for all the things that keep me so busy.

Better Living Through Chemistry

For all those living with a mental illness, the fun surrounding taking medications to control that illness is never-ending. Sometimes the meds make you sleepy, make you dull, kill your sex drive and cause weight gain. Unlike phsycial ailments, there are no quantifiable tests to determine is a psych medication is working. The success or failure of a medication is based solely on the person's assessment on whether or not you feel better.



That's the mess I am in. For over a year now, I have been taking three to four different medications to help with my depression. Depending on the circumstances of my life at the time, I would say the medication helps, or doesn't help. If nothing is going on, I feel OK. However, a slight bump in the road or a situation that is difficult for me to handle (large crowds, meeting new people, etc) will cause me to go into somewhat of a tail spin. The bigger the stressor, the worse the spinout. Meds don't seem to be helping at all with my reaction to stressors, even good ones. And sometimes, even if things are going well, I still feel depressed for reasons I can't explain.



I have no insurance, so I am going through the public mental health system, which has some serious flaws. It is overwhelmed, underfunded and their services are not well coordinated. A month after I got out of the crisis center, I still didn't have a case manager or a treatment plan. I also see a psychiatrist for about 5 minutes once every couple of months, and she asks me the same three questions: any side effects, do you want to kill yourself, and do you see/hear things that aren't there. If I answer "no" to those questions, I am sent about my merry way with refills. Remember those spinouts I referred to earlier? I mentioned them to my "drug dealer" a few months ago. She responded by adding more medication, both of which are used to treat bipolar disorder. The latter was a strong anti-psychotic that left me dull and confused most of the time. I quit taking it after a few weeks, but my psychiatrist wants me to resume the medication so she could see how I behaved on it.

I don't really know at this point how much of my depression is organic (caused by a chemical imbalance in my brain) and how much stems from the fact that my life is in limbo right now, and a therapist is taking me on a guided tour through pretty much the worst experiences of my life thus far. Lately I have been asking myself if the feelings I experience are truly from me, or are they from the medications? I just don't have a sure answer right now.